Thoughts About Modern Complaints, Old Problems.
Has the common cultural discourse really changed, or is our memory just really short?
If you're a fellow internet dweller whose guilty pleasure is spending too much time on Twitter or succumbing to YouTube's dark hole on weekends, then you must be familiar with the plethora of debates going on online at all times. It seems like humans were born to disagree on certain topics.
The contrarian paradigm may have shifted and taken on new forms – such as the shape of a podcaster, influencer, or comedian – but nonetheless, the quintessential human propensity to stir things up remains the same. No wonder clickbaity content reigns supreme nowadays. With all the crazy stuff going on in the world (wars, pandemics, shootings, famines, and so on), people's brains have been reduced to a wobbly amalgamation of burnt neurons by the excessive stimuli we are constantly exposed to.
With the rise of social media, we have seen the emergence of certain figures who have ascended as gurus and thought leaders purely on the premise of saying some outrageous stuff. Take any YouTube podcast show as a reference, and the hottest topic of discussion relentlessly seems to be "modern relationships." Often, the host offers a traditionalist position to a parterre of progressive guests with the goal of instigating what then turns out to be an empty exchange. The interlocutors are never really picked for their IQ; rather, the meter of evaluation is their visceral, yet latent, need to go to therapy. Broken specimens make for better satire, thus better entertainment, and thus more money for the channel. The critique doesn't usually promote the use of acclaimed scientific research; it favors anecdotes and personal experience. Accredited experts are never called to chime in with logical resolutions or explanations.
It goes without saying that the discourse spills over and regularly makes its way to other platforms where the discussion takes more insidious and darker turns, creating the ideal environment for culture wars to thrive.
It seems like the contemporary disputes pitting opposing views and their perpetrators against each other are an issue of the new millennium, but the reality of the men vs. women, trad wife vs. girl boss, Europe vs. America, Diaspora vs. autochthonous dichotomy are actually concepts that were alive and well at the beginning of the past century too.
All the -isms we experience today are simply the evolution of their has-been iteration that pushed for emancipation, personal autonomy, and equality of all people. It's a known fact. Actually, today's state of culture wars preys on the idea that we are past the need for certain fights. Women have their rights, people of color are not discriminated against, society is integrated, and everything was better when times were worse – these are often the talking points.
However, during one of my research trips to a private archive in Brooklyn, I discovered that this type of disagreement goes way back. The mid-century was full of them!
During my scavenging for some good inspiration, the archivist pointed me to an old men's magazine called GENTRY.
Based in the San Francisco area, GENTRY was a lifestyle publication catering to the "modern" gentleman and their wives, as well as certain erudite women interested in sports, culture, and current events. I looked online to see if it still existed, but it seems like it has shut down. The only traces left are the vintage volumes people are selling online and available in libraries. It appears, though, that it used to be very revered in the 1950s.
As with any culture magazine, the first few pages were dedicated to the advertisement, classifieds, op-eds, and letters from their readers. The Readers' Comment Section is where I found the inspiration for today's thoughts, as, hopefully, it will make you think too.
Originally Published on GENTRY NUMBER 12, FALL 1954
Readers’ Comments on THE AMERICAN FEMALE (an essay published in the previous issue, SUMMER 1954)
The ladies, who evidently read Gentry as avidly as any man, have taken us and Dr. Felix Mart Ibanez to task for some of the points made have The American Female – A European Psychiatrist's Views," which appeared in the summer issue. We are always gallant and glad to give them an opportunity to express their opinions. However, since most of the letters tan to three or more pages, we cannot publish each in full but will excerpt some of the more telling replies.
For those who may have missed the article, Dr. Ibañez expressed the view that American women have won their battle for equality and now dominate the American male, creating an unnatural situation which brings neither of them peace or happiness.
He stated his belief, based on his experience as a psychiatrist, that American women must learn to love their men as beings biologically destined to rule, and as embodiments of the active principle in nature. The hope of real happiness lies in man's assuming the active role, woman the passive role in a biological patriarchy, concluded Dr. Ibañez.
On the Dominating Woman
"Let me refute just a few of the statements made. Women, on the whole, are not miserable in this country and neither are men. We like living together. One can always find experts to say otherwise. Nowhere else, does a man and woman take so much mutual responsibility as here. A man philanders; his wife tries to find where she is responsible.
A woman drinks, and her husband guides her to a cure. Women offer affection, service and loyalty, not from economic necessity, but from love alone. Women don't have to kow-tow and men don't have to master. Through love, we live together, raise our children together, earn our living and enjoy every moment.
"We share our lives with our men. That's the rub. The doctor can't stand the idea of women sharing anything with men but their beds. But in this country it's our home; our children, our country.
When women become lawyers and doctors they are not competing with men anymore than men are competing with women when they become chefs, decorators and such."
On the Desire to Wear Pants
"Women like to wear pants because they are cheap, durable and comfortable; not because they symbolize man’s predetermined superiority. Indeed, in the good old days when men were men they wore skirts!
On Shunning Hard Work
"Yes, sir, the American kitchen is indeed an electrical miracle designed to free the American woman for the social, civic, philanthropic and other work so much needed in today's world! Also it frees her for a game of golf, a swim, tennis, a ride, bowling, or just for gardening or romping with her children. There is little danger of the muscular atrophy you seem to fear. European and Latin women are freed from their primitive kitchens solely by the low cost of native labor. This leaves them free to visit, eat and gossip - hardly conducive to developing muscles or brains or suitable conversation interesting to their men."
On Being Attractive
“You call us clothes-horses because the average woman in the U.S.A. is smartly dressed — better dressed than the elite of Europe. Our garment industry is the best in the world - and if a woman has one iota of good taste, she may be fashionably turned out at a very modest price. Also, many of us make our own clothes, and beautifully, too."
"We take care of our good figures and good looks - certainly! Why abuse or neglect such blessings?"
"There are thousands of intelligent American women eating well-balanced high protein, low-calorie diets in order to maintain a healthy weight, high energy and a slim figure. Here competition is keener.
Every girl is on her own to find and hold her husband. Marriages are not arranged. In Europe if a husband grows weary of his dull and fattening wife, he takes a mistress. Society may frown but the situation is tolerated and the wife is relieved. American society would be outraged.”
On Frigidity
"Don't worry so much about our sex life. There are plenty of us who are enjoying a wholesome and adequate relationship with our husband without the necessity of consulting a psychiatrist, but, of course, you do not hear about us.”
"While American women may not swoon at a lover's caress, I do believe our approach toward married love is more sensible. Most of us feel that we are 50/50 partners in our sex life and entitled to expect as much from it as our husbands.”
"One thing I have noticed about these Experts - local or imported is that they never mix sex and kids! They either go all out for putting the American Female back in the kitchen with a brood gathered around her knee, or else they are all out for Sex. You would think that Sex never produced anything except individual surrender and pleasure or tragic frustration!"
"I can see that to the Latin male, American women may not seem so meekly submissive as Latin women.
We are ... not taught by religious dogma that a woman's sole purpose on earth is to serve the male. More healthy and more intelligent, I believe, is our attitude that women are equal participants, contributing equally, sharing equally, and enjoying equally in marital relations. No, American women do not enter into the sex experience with the idea of being conquered by the overpowering, primitive male."
A short while after the article appeared, Dr. Ibañes was given the opportunity to defend his conclusions in a radio interview with Barbara Welles (Helen Hall).
BARBARA WELLES:
You talked about the shallowness of American women, their quest for physical perfection. You said, "The American woman lives on bird seed to keep her figure; instead of spending her lunch hour eating, she goes window-shopping and saves her pennies so that she may buy more expensive clothes than she can afford."
Actually, isn't this done in quest of the male - not to quell but to snare the male?
DR. IBANEZ:
There might be a great deal of truth in what you are saying. American women want to look attractive to men, but above all, they want to look attractive for themselves and to other women. That is not only an American problem, as you know very well; it's happening to women all around the world. But in the case of the American woman, in my opinion, this shallowness that you will find in some of them and I underline some, is due mostly to the fact that they have taken the wrong approach on the road to perfection. They have been more concerned about the beautiful case than about the diamond, the spiritual diamond that should be inside.
BARBARA WELLES:
Well now, do you think that this is true only of the American woman?
Don't you think that the American man also spends a good deal of time in search of physical perfection? The American man spends a good deal of time on the golf course to keep his figure in shape. He spends a good deal of time at various clubs where he thinks he will meet people who are good for him socially and business-wise. Isn't that pretty much the same kind of quest? Do you have any idea how much money the American male spends on what could be termed cosmetics? It's quite a figure.
DR. IBANEZ:
It must be quite a figure and you are absolutely right. I think they cannot spend as much as they would like to because they need to spend hours making money so the women can buy more cosmetics.
BARBARA WELLES:
But isn't that also true in Europe?
Doesn't the man woo the woman with all sorts of gifts which of course can range from flowers, a corsage, to mink? Anything is acceptable that you care to give us. And aren't we women on both sides of the Atlantic equally amenable to these little tokens of love, and doesn't that show we are being very feminine and very dependent?
Dr. IBANEZ:
I would say that the types of gifts that women like on both sides of the Atlantic are different in the sense that the European woman wants to receive with them lots of love. She is very ambitious in her love affairs.
The American woman is more ambitious socially and less demanding in love. She is again mistaking the physical symbols of love such as all these gifts for love itself, because maybe in the physical symbols she sees security. The European woman, however, desires emotional security.
BARBARA WELLES:
You talk about love, and I would like to quote from your article. You say "For the European woman love is a battle to which she comes in anticipation of being overcome by a stronger force."
Now, then you say that "for the American woman love is only a match from which she must emerge untouched."
I would like to say as an American woman that I don't think we want love to be a battle. I think that we idealize love; I think that we think love should never be a battle; it should be the greatest partnership in the world.
Dr. IBANEZ:
I don't think there is anyone who would argue with that statement. I think we all agree about it.
The American woman is suffering above all from having attained maximum freedom, and in that freedom finding also the greatest loneliness. This may explain many conflicts and complexes. In life, we are always like a pendulum swinging between a yen for freedom and at the same time a fear of loneliness. If we allow complete freedom such as American women, in many respects, have today, the price one pays is loneliness. It is fear of loneliness that makes the American woman retract from complete freedom and try to look for company. But, then, the American woman gets married and very often the result is that she feels subjugated and begins to yearn for freedom, and the pendulum begins to swing again.
Things I think people should be aware of: