Recently I have been thinking about comparison way too much. So much so that I have been scribbling notes about this topic for the past two weeks without ever getting to a conclusion—until this morning while sitting at my local bakery with a mango-custard pastry in my hand and a caffé macchiato in front of me.
Sounds idyllic? It was, if we disregard the fact that I was sitting at a table facing a very ugly, highly trafficked road, next to a group of construction workers chain-smoking directly into my nose. #italiansummer, amiright?
In life, we are constantly pressured into conformity by the system, the media, and society. Standing above the crowd is discouraged for many reasons: The amalgamation of the masses makes it easier to maneuver our wants and needs. But conformity, in my opinion, is more like a side effect—a consequence of our constant need to compare ourselves to others and feeling inadequate when we don’t reach the same “success”. Yet, the possibility of doing stuff precisely like the next person is almost impossible because each one of us is genetically unique. No two people, except for twins, of course, share the same DNA.
While I am sure comparison is a condition that’s affected humankind since we swam out of the primordial broth and put our legs to use—don’t quote me on that, I haven’t done enough research—the advent and explosion of social media has exacerbated this phenomenon and sent us into an even deeper oblivion.
On any given day, we are exposed to a plethora of “content” that subconsciously rewires our brain into thinking other people are living better than us, are doing better than us, are more famous than us, and have a better chance at life than us. Even if we know these platforms only show staged parts of these strangers’ existence, if we don’t stop and think, it’s easy to succumb to a sour feeling of jealousy. It happens to the best of us.
In my career I have had the luck to mentor quite a few young creatives and their number one preoccupation seemed to unanimously be feeling so extremely behind compared to their peers.
Given their tender age (early 20s), this came as a surprise; some of them had yet to graduate from university.
I was dumbfounded by their bleak perspective. Not that I have never felt this way, but I saw them as such promising young talents, it pained me to hear their dilemma.
Initially, I didn’t know what to tell them besides “Stop looking at what others do. They are not you.”
Then I started to reflect on the topic and quickly realized it’s extremely hard not to cave into comparison and my cheap, obvious advice wasn’t going to help them.
So I began testing myself. Whenever I caught myself asking how did that person afford to take 2 months off to travel in an exotic country while I sat miserably on my couch working my ass off, I forced myself to refocus my thoughts on my own journey.
Objectively, my life is very enviable. In less than 3 full decades, I lived in 10 different cities, in 5 different countries on 3 different continents (or 4? Are Indonesia and the UAE both in Asia? I think so).
I earned lots of miles, achieved some great milestones, and even became a homeowner at the age of 27. I absolutely should not think others have it better than me.
I have lived a fairly privileged life: I never had a summer job, I spent my high school summers between Sicily and Orange County, and I had 100 Barbie dolls at some point in life. I should be counting my blessings daily. Yet, I continuously find a new reason to think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence because the system is literally designed to make me feel less than at any given chance.
For example, when I first signed up for Substack, I had no idea I could even make it this far. I simply wanted to make space for my thoughts instead of yelling them out on social media. In less than 2 years, I broke 1000 subscribers. That’s a relatively huge achievement for somebody who’s never dedicated her life to writing full-time. Still, I spent my time stressing over how so few people upgraded their subscription to paid when I turned it on.
For weeks, instead of focusing on doing my best work, I researched the best-performing newsletters and wasted days trying to figure out what they had that I didn’t. The more I read, the sillier I felt.
I knew the quality of my writing was just as good, if not better. The topics were definitely better, more relatable, and more inspirational than writing about celebrity gossip and pop culture. So why were they living off their writing and I wasn’t?
Well, first of all, I am not writing full-time. Writing has become a consistent practice in my life only in 2021.
I was never a full-time staff writer anywhere. My career has taken many turns and cut corners to different destinations before I could even figure out what I liked to do and what I was good at, while these people had been writing for at least a decade, bringing their audience from their previous editor roles with them to the platform.
Secondly, the platform itself endorsed them. Last but not least, they shamelessly promoted themselves across platforms (where they already had a huge following)—something that I am only partially ok with doing without feeling like a clown.
So why was I comparing myself to them? Our journey and goals in life were completely different. And it’s not like I didn’t have my share of accomplishments myself.
After all, I did make money from my writing. There’s a stack of magazines on the floor of my living room that prove my status as a writer. And they are in print! The most prestigious goal for any writer that’s ever dreamed of calling themselves such a title. I am pretty sure only a few of the people with a successful newsletter (at least the ones I saw) can boast the same.
So what’s the antidote for comparison? Well, I am tempted to say staying off social media and giving up your tv, but I know that’s often not possible. This software is embedded in our life and if you want to profit from your creativity you are basically forced to make the best out of it—at least in my generation.
When this sentiment arises, take some time to look at how far you’ve come and focus on the path that’s ahead of you. Enfants prodiges always existed, but it’s a very small percentage of the population. Most people reach their peak in their late 30s and 40s. Your journey is uniquely yours. Life is a marathon, not a sprint.
Sharing is caring:
If you haven’t seen, I was part of Inter FC’s kit release campaign—yes, I’m hyping myself up!
The Women’s World Cup kicked off last week, please tune in and watch! If you are a first-timer,
got you covered in her last newsletter.If you are in NYC and want to watch the games in good company, check out this document by Zoe Allen and subscribe to her newsletter
.Room Studio provided us with the best kit release of the year.
Snoh Aalegra blessed us with a sweet summer hit.
This is so good! Thanks so much for sharing. I too find myself on that comparison boat but we can't forget we're all on our own journey and it's not always greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water it.
Good POV!!!